I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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