***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
