I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
