I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
