Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
