Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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