Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His hands were made for my vagina.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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