I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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