why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
