xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
