somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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