The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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