Grow some girl-balls and come out already
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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