part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
