i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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