i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
