it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
