dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
