Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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