She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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