My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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