Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
