Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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