i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
