Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If that was your dad, he is hot
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
