When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found your dick twin last night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
