If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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