hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
