Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
