seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
