she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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