I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
