he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
