I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
