I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
