tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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