I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
