Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize