i love accidental penises.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
