how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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