Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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