you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
