i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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