it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
