My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
