you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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