now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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