I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
