I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
