don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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