I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
