You're so nebulous sometimes
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
