Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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