I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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