Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
