never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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