Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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