he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
