Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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