never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
