i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she looked like the before picture.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
