youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
