then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
