I just threw up on my dentist
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
