Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
