I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
