I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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