his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
