Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
