could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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