i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
