I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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