I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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