Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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