cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
