Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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