There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
